I am agnostic. I’m waiting for something. Some kind of sign. Searching for what feels right. If I ever did find a religion I think it would be one I pieced together on my own.
I’m looking for a sign.
I had a dream. I dreamt that I was alone in a city made of money and pleasures. There was no natural light and the people were always up. I was looking for a boy who the whole world knew and he was lost. I walked past an old tattered poster of him on a wall. Followed down the alleyway beside it and entered a room. The room was empty and a tiny door sat across from me. I found that when I walked through the room I became smaller like in Alice in Wonderland. Then through the tiny wooden door there he was with his father and his grandfather sitting at a small round table. The tiny lifeless shack was filled with nothing but dim light and these characters. They invited me in and together we ate and talked and laughed. About what I do not know. The characters seemed to tell stories of their experiences in life. They talked as if their experiences were in another lifetime and not of this one. Perhaps this room was void of time I thought. Perhaps these characters represent keys to our existence and they cannot leave else everything would collapse. The boy I came to find did not seem unhappy. Here he was in a shack of nothing and yet he seemed more than complete. There was a door on both sides of the room which I believed to lead to bedrooms. Now that I think back I wonder if they lead to something else. There were three characters and only two doors other than the exit/entry to the house. From the dining room there was a large window and through it the only natural light in my dream filtered through. Bright light, green grass and full of life. It seemed as though in the city I had left from, this scenery no longer existed. There were no gates that blocked the average person from entering this room. In fact the poster on the wall led me to look down the alleyway and here among poverty and almost complete lack of material possession was the one thing all people wanted; Completeness. There was something that happened in this room that made the characters feel complete. Even while I was there I felt it. I knew the boy did not need to be found. He was fine where he was and I could stop looking. But I don’t know what completed them. They seemed to never leave the shack. This was their whole world. They did not go to visit the beautiful scenery through the window. They never came out to the city to experience the many pleasures it held. I was welcome and safe here and yet I left. They offered to let me sleep the night and I did. I slept outside the tiny wooden door in a crack in the wall. The crevice was filled with feathers and white blankets, pillows and cushions. I curled up and as I fell asleep a drumming filled my head; first distant and soft but strong and persistent. It grew and grew and I could hear the giant door from the city open. I could hear the creaking of something moving across the wooden floors. The drumming continued unbroken and perfect. Like the beat of life, I thought. A brilliant light poured into the room and I could hear a voice; 'Allah .. Allah.. Eye of the kabbalah'. Steady with the beating drums of life the voice poured over like water. A feeling of fear encompassed me but inside I was not afraid. Suddenly I could see myself lying in the pillows weak to the quickly approaching voice of Allah the eye. Was I now a spirit? Was I seeing with my minds eye? The light engulfed the room and from the crevice of the wall filled this 'Allah'. Flat and like the sun with gold flames surrounding what seemed to be a pure white eye. One giant black slit from top to bottom. The power of rhythm, synchronicity and time poured from the being. The drums so powerful they could tear me apart. Or so strong I felt as if I was part of the beat. The voice no longer one but hundreds in the same steady rhythm. I was taken over by light.
Here the dream stops. The eye had come to show me something but I woke.
I sat for a short while and thought. I am not a religious person. Nor do I know much about religion. I may have once heard of the kabbalah and many times of Allah. But I did not know of their association with each other. Nor had I heard of Allah mentioned as an eye of anything. So now I research. I’m looking for the connection.
There are many things I am curious about.
I’m searching for the association my mind made with these characters and every aspect of the dream.
Why I picked so many of the symbolisms in the dream.
Why I picked the kabbalah.
The symbolism of the eye and my feelings in its presence.
The characters.
The shrinking room.
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